I will carry out great vengeance on them and punish them in my wrath. Then they will know that I am the Lord - Pulp Fiction 25:17

(Jasper agrees that you all need to die)

I have watched humanity repeatedly set up civilisations and then destroy them because they fall for the next snake oil salesman. It's fucking exhausting, and in every incarnation I try and convince people that doing the right thing is also an option with free will. From the heads rolling down temple steps to choosing to throw away reusable plastic, humans always seems to choose the cunt option.

God told me this would happen. He's a prick too. I say "he" because only a man would think that punishing the children of the sinners is a reasonable response to sin. When God chose to make the monkeys a little cleverer there were a couple of runners. He made a lovely smaller bodied man with a co-operative disposition in the Paleolithic age. Homo (lol) neanderthalensis were the talk of the heavens. They cared for their elderly, and even because of their ability to work together they discovered rudimentary medicine and dentistry. There wasn't even a waiting list. God it was fucking boring. I told him so. Like watching a paint dry. The Lord of the Flies agreed. I hate that fucking guy, but he also has a low boredom threshold. It was like series two of Big Brother when they had to confiscate the books to get them painting their tits in gouache, and peeing in the bin. (Sandy, I remember)

Anyway, Nigel (Lord of the flies) slyly suggested that I put it to God to have a second runner. Nigel added some viruses and disease to the new fellas, and WHAM, twelve thousand years later our hominin cousins were mullered, and modern humanity was born.

It was a fucking disaster. God has been rubbing my face in it ever since. I got banished here for my trickery. "You wanted it" he said. "You make it work or they'll go the way of the dinosaurs" (They got too big and unwieldly, and frankly, yes dull after 165 million years)

So, here I am. I have watched it all, and I have TRIED, mon have a I tried. There's about 30% of you who choose the right thing, but it ain't enough is it? It really is a shower of shit. God and I adore the diversity, but in this lifetime, my parents were murdered and my identity hidden from me, I was hacked, stolen from, manipulated, filmed without my consent, beaten, gang stalked, choked and poisoned. You even stole my favourite cardigan and killed my cat! Absolutely beyond the pale. Mostly my decision has come down to the fact that I am just as bored as God of you all. Christ you're tedious. I can't take any more, so I begged that prick upstairs to let me come home, and help him press the red button. Even his stomach turned at the way I was treated this time. So yeah, let's do this thing! hahahaha! 27 years. It's the blink of an eye in terms of the universe. So you carry on destroying everything and each other. I don't care anymore. I am having a Campari while Rome burns. Just as you were made to look at me forever when I was Medusa, so you shall again. Analogue revenge! My mean Daddy is gonna crush you like a grape, he's going to tear you like an envelope*.

Because of all the trauma I have experienced, I have been given an extended visa so I can go on holiday! YASSS! I still have to observe and document the final days of this last stupid civilisation, but THIS time you will get to read my critique and see my art. It has been unclassified because it's not like you'll give a fuck.

You better start calling your sons Noah, cause the floods are coming bitch.

*Stu Francis