Why I Set Up This Website.

Let's talk about why I set up this website. This is a downbeat post because that's how I'm feeling today.

In May 2023, almost a year ago, I realised I had been hacked. On my computer and on my phone. My house was repeatedly broken into, I was also being stalked. I was filmed without my consent, and I assume some of that ended up on the internet for people to either laugh at/get that adrenaline buzz of darkness that humanity seems to revel in when they're watching someone's horror story unfold, or obviously, to wank to.

To top it all, I was probably being poisoned by my sister over a period of years. Arsenic or something similar. I only know this because once I moved away, all symptoms of being poisoned (puking most mornings, diarrhoea, wounds that would take weeks to heal, blood in my urine, dry skin, thinning hair, constant ear infections, cysts (internal and external) an enlarged heart and restless legs) went away. My sister tried to convince me I had IBS. She knew I was afraid of the doctor, and I accepted my daily symptoms as the norm. I did go to the doctor for some of these things, so some of it is on record.

It was very strange no longer experiencing these symptoms very quickly after moving. It wasn't a coincidence.

I didn't handle all of this particularly well, I hoped I was going insane, and that it would all go away. It didn't go away. I reset all of my passwords, however it appeared my phone was still hacked. I deleted things I wish I'd kept as evidence. I was terrified.

I found out that my family were behind this, whether they did it for money or some long standing resentment I do not know. I'm not sure I even care anymore. They wanted to break up my marriage, and for me to think I was insane, and probably to kill myself. They recruited people I had fallen out with in the past to help stalk me, and I assume to also revel in the thrill of my downfall.

It almost worked.

Because the police did nothing to help me, I felt I had to name all of the suspects on my social media. I was extremely angry and scared at this point. I was also at a point where I was no longer afraid of death. Their names are still all on there if I do get murdered. If nothing else, I hoped that someone would get arrested if what felt like the inevitable (being physically harmed) happened.

Because my social media got so intense, a lot of my long term "normal" friends backed away. I didn't blame them. I hope they never experience something this extreme. You do find out who your real friends are though, when the chips are down. I have never been a dramatic attention seeker. My main goal with friends was to be a solid, safe, and entertaining person. Because they have seen nothing but that (until now) for ten plus years, some believed me, held on, and stayed around. I love those people whole heartedly, even if I no longer feel comfortable talking as much. I hope to repay their kindness and belief in me one day.

The story of what happened in full, is convoluted and absolutely crazy. I don't care to go into the full details anymore. It makes me spiral mentally, and I am working very hard to retain my peace of mind at the moment. It's still all there on my Facebook if you are interested. It was only ever put there to try and keep the police informed. There is a lot of anger and mental degradation on show too. You can't blame me for that. I no longer delete things out of fear and shame. There should be a record of it. Prior to this beginning, my socials were all sensibly set to private. I liked it that way, and I wish I could go back to that. It is what it is though.

The biggest issue I've had with it all is WHY?

I got diagnosed officially with Autism and ADHD this year. I have been called a "know it all" and considered annoying to my family since I was a child. I think they thought their bullying was justified because I was different to them. I didn't know I was neurodivergent, and they didn't care to know. It would have made their treatment of me undefendable.

The result of everything that has happened has been devastating to my life. I've had to keep moving homes because as far as I can tell they're still stalking me. Online, I have to be very careful. I can no longer freely post photos of my location. That is an extremely horrible feeling. I liked being free to live as a normal person. I liked privacy yes, but I never thought I'd have to look over my shoulder if I wanted to post of picture of myself near an identifiable location.

Before this happened, I was a funny, creative, easy going, slightly scatty woman. I worked as a chef, and I had a fairly mundane life.

A lot of days, I put on a brave face to keep going. My pride won't let me give up, but it's not always easy. My anxiety levels are pretty bad. I'm not sure I miss my old life (knowing what I know now about the people in it) but my autism makes change very difficult, and waking up in the morning is the hardest. I have PTSD, so it's not that surprising, but waking up is the hardest. I remember the darkness that led me here, and I hate that the people in my life were capable of doing what they did while pretending to be be my friends/family.

I have made mistakes with people definitely. (Mostly being a doormat.) I know that my heart was in the right place though. I never actively tried to harm anyone, my biggest sin in their eyes I assume, is daring to walk away from them, or openly complaining about their behaviour. We all have that right. If my walking away makes me the villain in their story then so be it. It never justified what they did to me.

I am now in the acceptance part of all of this. My anxiety wanes through throughout the day. My marriage is stronger than ever. I am so grateful for that. His support and unconditional love is bloody amazing. He experienced the hacking too, and being poisoned. I hate that my being in his life exposed him to that.

I mostly just want to feel safe. I want to help other people, and make them and me laugh again. Small acts of kindness make me feel better. We all experience pain and betrayal, we all go through traumas. I don't think a state of misery or self pity is helpful, and I think our own minds know this. We all seek ways to bring back balance when we're unhappy. I work at that everyday. I am proud of that.

I wanted you to know why I am what I yam. Why I have set up this weird site. I intend to be strong enough to make some money for good causes some day soon. I truly am working internally to make that a possibility. I am not doing this for fame or fortune. What are they anyway? I was thinking about Rebecca Loos this morning, and how the quest for fame can end up with you being a byline for wanking off a pig. (add a David Beckham Joke)

I just want to be free to be me.

On that note, I am off.

Best of days to you,

The Minotaur (Em)